Yehaw

Well hello boys and girls. Today I am going to talk to you about; HILL BILLY DANGER.
So lets look at the most common mistakes made in these slack jawed ho-cum tales of cannibalism and incest.

1. Take a small moment to evaluate the amount of petrol "Gas" you have in your car.
2. If you find yourselves with two choices - here's a hint - DO NOT TAKE THE DELAPADATED DIRT ROAD
3. If you happen to have ignored the first 2 peices of advice; Stay together - No splitting up to look for help or worse... A telephone!
4. If you decided to split up (no suprise there) then you need to stay in the grouping formation. If someone dies do not try and save them, get the hell outta there!
5. Play it safe - if you have someone who screams alot - GAG THEM - You don't need more attention than you already have.
6. If you stumble across a house - Leave it alone e.g. DON'T GO IN! Hill billys are actually quite private and don't like you messing around with their stuff - oh and also guys it's called breaking and entering if you get caught (:
7. Ok lets say you've gone in - you know darn well those Slack Jawed Yocals are going to come home pretty soon - Identify possible escape routes.
8. Perhaps you've now discovered the Brandene and Cletus' secret? Umm MOVE! Stop screaming and GO!
9. You manage to stick around long enough for the local folk to come back to home sweet home. Well now you hide! If you've hidden, hide somewhere that seems less obvious than in a closet. Under a bed perhaps with a decomposing corpse?
10. You sneek out when they fall asleep - here's a tip - BE QUIET AND SHUT THE SQUEELER UP - unless you were smart enough to gag her before?
11. Someone made a noise (No prizes for guessing who) Now you run, this is the only time it is acceptable to split up. If you're in an icolated group running, you're easy pray. They have to pick one and go for it. Pray it's not you!
12. Some more of your friends die and you're left alone in hill billy hell. Keep your head down. If you stumble upon a feild of diused cars, trucks, camper vans etc, then make sure you hide untill late at night when all those sub human iliterate cannibals are safely snoozing in bed (Awww) Don't go back for someone who is only part concious - let 'em die I say! Save your own skin (Literally!)
13. So you ignored yet another piece of good advice - time for the final show down. I recomend a good explosive or something that can mash those corn dog-diddly-ogs to hell!
14. Having used a knife or a shot gun - time to re-think they are stronger than most and have killing tactics perfected - push the fool into a grinder! Always a good idea.
15. Having saved the girl and nearly killed yourself in the process - it's time to ride off into the sunset (If you're not dead already) and heal your wounds. Ohh and next time... Take a plane

So having discussed the basics of classics such as Wrong turn 1/2, The Hills Have Eyes 1/2 and Texas Chainsaw Massacre We are all now well aware of the good advice people are shouting at the T.V. But then again if we listened to that advice... We wouldn't have a film would we?
TTFN good horror chums.